Nurturing Greatness

History is constructed through the fulfilling of purpose. A close study of lives of pioneers, pathfinders, and history-makers will reveal challenges they had to overcome. Such an observation provides a greater understanding of what it actually took for heroes and “sheroes” to carry out specific tasks and missions. There is much labor and sacrifice that accompany greatness.

The ongoing challenge is to be effective in areas we operate and live.  Empowerment is only realized when we learn how to create and utilize tools to build better lives for themselves and others.

Each individual is divinely designed to carry out a specific mission but must answer the call that tugs the heart. Deep down inside there is something that others need which each individual has, and the challenge is to stir it until it rises to the surface and overflows in expression. And make no mistake, it takes courage to rise up and answer one’s call. Also, keep in mind that many people carry out their missions behind the scene. The key is seeking, discovering, being oneself and moving into the position for which he or she was created to serve in. Everyone, great or small, was created to serve in some capacity.

Our sphere of influence expands as we recognize, nurture and use not only our gifts but also the gifts in others.  The opportunity to nurture and develop is all around us.  Each new birth is a major occurrence. Whether it is the birth of a baby, a vision, or a nation, the dynamics of nurturing and developing must be activated for healthy growth and maturity to take place. One broken bond or single evil seed can affect the fate of hundreds, thousands, and even millions of people. Thus, each child is precious.

So, it is the responsibility of parents, guardians, teachers, visionaries, and the heads of state to provide for and protect person(s) or thing(s), which have been entrusted to them. Good stewardship is critical to the realization and fulfillment of purpose. Human suffering is perpetual because of malfunctions and breakdowns in individuals, families, communities and governments. Most of the disheartening situations witnessed today are the results of someone’s shirking, avoiding, or “dropping the ball” of responsibility.

Yet, no matter what is occurring around us, we have the power to focus intensely, engaging ourselves in meaningful activities, which produce fruitfulness. When God said, “Be fruitful and multiply,” He meant it to be in more ways than one. Babies, visions, and nations come forth through us, and what we do with what we have been given determines our destinies.

 

“… Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion …  – Genesis 1:28 NKJV

 

 

Freedom and Immorality: Not a Good Mixture for Progress

Decisions, decisions! As eyewitnesses and participants of this pivotal point in history, our choices will impact generations and set the tone for 21st
century living. Indeed, we are challenged with the responsibility of salvaging morality for the preservation of family and future generations. The time has come when what formerly worked for us as a nation is now being used against us — namely the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which guarantees freedom of speech. Under the protection of this noble decree, those at the helm of the entertainment industry, as well as the Internet, continuously present demoralizing messages to our youth, desensitizing them to perverted behaviors that defy God’s biblical laws. Where are we headed as a society if “anything goes?” The answer to this question is quite obvious: toward destruction and downfall. But we still have time to reverse it.

History teaches us that moral decay of any metropolis, nation, or empire leads to its ultimate demise. It happened to Sodom and Gomorrah; the Assyrian, Babylonian, Persian, and Roman empires; the medieval West African empires of Mali, Ghana, and Songhai to name a few. Rulers like Nebuchadnezzar, Alexander the Great, Hannibal Barca, Askia the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, and Adolph Hitler rose into power and fell. Now it’s our turn. This morality issue is still serious business today as lives are at stake. Yet, our Creator, in all of His sovereignty, does not take away our dominion and free will to make choices. But don’t be unwise, every decision we make contrary to His will must be accounted for and has a consequence during our earthly lifetime and eternally. Even those who opt to remain neutral, rocking no boats, will not escape responsibility for that choice.
This puts us all in the valley of decision. What shall it be for you? Racism and hatred or brotherly love, fraud or honesty, religion or genuine relationships, abortion or birthing, sexual immorality or celibacy?… The list goes on. Each of us can begin making better choices concerning our own lifestyles. As civilians, we can void patronizing entities that publish immoral materials and products, and change the channel or turn off the TV when immoral acts are being televised. There are also things we can do to advocate morality. First, set an example. Then, write letters and e-mails to mayors, city councilpersons, state representatives, governors, the President, congresspersons, Supreme Court judges, network television executives, Federal Communication Commission members, and other people of influence, challenging them to take a stand for morality in their jurisdictions.

It seems that as a nation, we have drifted too far from respectfulness to our own detriment.  Let’s determine to move ahead with the personal changes that we know in our hearts we need to make.

Family Father and Mother with two children

The Eight Steps to Loving Your Child Through Purposeful Discipline

By Dr. Domenick Maglio

An undisciplined child typically develops destructive behavioral patterns that hurt him or her as well as others. On the other hand, a disciplined child will learn constructive methods that will assist him in his interacting with the world. But the most important part of discipline is that it must be purposeful.

What is Purposeful Discipline?

Purposeful Discipline is a demonstration of one person’s love for another. When parents are intentionally disciplining their child to alter a destructive behavior, the parents are actually expressing love toward their child.
The reason for Purposeful Discipline is for the parent to provide the child with teaching or training that will assist in developing moral values and behaviors. These values and behaviors have worked and passed the test of time and have been proven to be effective in developing a healthy individual.

The Four Requirements of a Parent Who Wants to Use Purposeful Discipline
1. Parents should be responsible and emotionally mature
2. Parents should be able to meet their children’s concrete physical needs
3. Parents should ready to actively teach through Purposeful Discipline
4. Parents should be willing to be firm and consistent their discipline

Eight Steps of Purposeful Discipline
1. Be in charge. Your child is your solemn responsibility to raise. The child is not your friend or your equal. To become a friend or equal to the child, the parent has to consciously distort reality. Parents who play the phony game of “I’m your equal” lose their authority as parents.

2. Role model moral values. Adults who are ready to be parents possess awareness and emotional maturity as well as know the behavior and thought patterns their children need to have to be morally productive people in their future. For parents to begin the process of instilling values in the mind of the child, the parents need to believe in these values, to agree with each other these values are positive for the development of the child, and most importantly, role model these values and behaviors.

3. Communicate the positives of moral values. After parents reach an agreement with each other on the values and expectations they desire in their child, the parents create parameters. A parameter is the defining of the expected general value to be internalized by the child. This is demonstrated by examples that give the pictures they want their children to internalize. The more creative energy the parents use in various situations to communicate these parameters, the clearer and more focused the child’s picture is in his head of what the parents expect from him.

4. Set limits and expectations. Parents set limits and expectations when they state the rules of what the child can and cannot do. As the parents observe the child’s behavior, the parent may see that the child often wanders outside of the established parameters. The parent sees the discrepancy between the parameter (desired value) and the child’s inappropriate behavior. To move the child back inside the lines of the parameter, the parents announce to the child the rules of what the child can and cannot do.

5. Prepare child with anticipated consequences. Once the parameters and corresponding limits are set, situational preparation logically follows. The particular situation that is going to occur, such as visiting relatives, going to church, and taking a day trip, requires that the parents prepare the children as to their specific expectations. Parents need to give the child the anticipation of a reward or punishing consequences for or inappropriate behavior. By spelling out the parent’s expectations to the child, the parents are setting up a forced choice that increases the probability of the child displaying the socially approved behavior.

6. Debrief after the event. After the specific event, the parents debrief the children on how things went according to their perception. The children were forewarned by the prepping and should be evaluated immediately following the situational event.

7. Administer consequences. Parents need to observe the child and give rewarding or punishing consequences depending on the behavior exhibited. Consequences are responses to behavior that increase or decrease the probability of a person adhering to a specific behavior. Using consequences shows the determination of an adult to enforce the limits and maintain the integrity as parental authority figures.

8. Discuss purpose of the discipline. Finally, the parents will ask the children or tell them the reason for the discipline in order to increase the understanding and decrease resentment. Depending upon the age of the child, the parent explains how his choices affect the family, friends, and his own development as a person. The younger the child, the simpler is the explanation. The older the child, the more complex is the explanation of the reason for the specific consequence.

Providing the child with values such as love, obedience, respectfulness, empathy, honesty, independence, willpower, conscience, critical thinking, pain control, social skills, and safety awareness is an expression of love. Parents who consciously pass on their wisdom through Purposeful Discipline will eventually create a child who is internalizing the process of becoming self-disciplined. The emergence of a young individual’s self-discipline is a sure sign of parental love for the child.

Dr. Domenick J. Maglio has been an educator and psychologist for over 45 years. He is the author of In-Charge Parenting: In a P.C. Nation. For more information, please visit, www.drmaglio.com and connect with him on Twitter, @djmaglio.

Understanding the Purpose Process

The route to purpose is different for each individual. For one person, living purpose is as simple as making the choice to do what is in his or her heart. Still, for another, who is clueless of their reason for being, more is required. But one must, at least, be willing to pursue it.
Purpose must be brought to term before delivery. Being pregnant with purpose can be uncomfortable. The uneasiness, heaviness, and awkwardness may cramp your style but the life coming forth is well worth it. Note that purpose is dynamic and not stagnant, just as a fetus keeps moving in the womb and must turn to prepare for birth. Labor is not always easy and it can be painful. Yet, it is necessary to birth a vision.
Where are you in the process of God’s purpose for your life? Perhaps you are already fulfilling it, but there is still more to accomplish. Or maybe you are frustrated because who you are does not line up with what you do. Do not fret. You are alive and can do something about it.
In reality, things are not always what they seem…that you’ll never get there—to your rightful place—your unique identity and fitting function. Even though there seems to be a delay, you have the power to do your part. This means letting go of how you see things and focusing on the way God views things, which is recorded throughout the Bible. Talking about a shift, this requires major adjustments for most of us. Thoughts must also be reconfigured to accommodate the spiritual and intellectual potential coiled in your true identity.
In some ways, who we are can be frightening. Just thinking about all the responsibility and work that comes with pursuing purpose or embarking upon a vision could cause one to run from it, ignore it, and perhaps, even deny it. But we are endowed with the power to conquer fear and intimidation, and abandon rejection. And as the battle rages, One much greater than us and the demons that haunts us, awaits our faithful action. Now, take courage. Release the lion out of the lamb in you and walk into your greater purpose.
“…Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called…” Ephesians 4:1b NKJV

Release the lion out of the lamb in you and walk into your greater purpose.

The is an excerpt from my latest book, “PURPOSEFUL LIVING: Building an Authentic Life and Legacy” With Purpose, Screen Shot 2014-10-16 at 8.52.32 PMElla Coleman

A Motive Check-Up

What in the world are you doing?” is not only the title of a challenging poem by author Claressa Beckhon but an inquiry of accountability.  No question, the motives for what we do and why deserve serious examination. Caught up in the rush of the day and era, time can easily slip away, leaving behind only a reality of how we spent it. Whether we use it wisely or foolishly, we reflect the sum total of every second, minute, hour, week, month, year, and decade of our lives.

In this vast garden called life, that which is planted and nurtured sprouts and grows — good, bad, or indifferent — bearing the fruits of our labor. Ultimately, we cannot camouflage the life we are living or the seeds we are planting.

Many of us are so busy but is all of the busyness linked to our true purpose? Consider that a tremendous amount of energy and synergy is exerted daily into jobs, projects, programs, popular events, and lofty endeavors. But is fulfillment a fruit we enjoy as a result of our labor? Let’s give ourselves what I call the “fulfillment of purpose test” as we personally answer the following ten questions.

1)   Am I being myself?

2)   Am I doing what is truly in my heart to do?

3)   What are the motives of my current actions?

4)   Are my thoughts, actions and work strictly for self or for the good of others as well?

5)   Am I spending quality time with God, the children, family members, and friends He placed in my life?

6)   Am I committed to a worthwhile cause?

7)   Do I have short- and long-term goals for my life?

8)   Am I working on a God-inspired vision, either my own or a corporate vision involving others?

9)   Do I help someone other than myself each day?

10)  Does my life set a good example for children and others to follow?

When these questions are honestly addressed and adhered to, then other questions that arise from numbing tragedies will not haunt us. Like international minister and author Dr. Myles Munroe, I believe we were born to lead at some capacity but must be taught how. Good leadership starts with a healthy relationship with God and spreads to others.

As success advocate Peter Lowe states, “Americans aren’t sure you can be successful and love God. The Bible says you can’t be successful without loving God.” I must boldly declare, leadership that is not based in a love for God is dangerous. Why? Because God gives us life, breath, and all things (Genesis 2:7 and Acts 17:25); to have no love or reverence for God means spiritual blindness is present. If the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch.

Love, responsibility and accountability are the checks and balances of good leadership. Oh, anyone can evade or try to escape these three mandatory requirements, but it takes honesty, courage, commitment, and patience to embrace and live them. And when one is empowered with integrity–the sum-total of the aforementioned characteristics—his/her motive is purified.

 

“Live in peace with each other. And we urge you brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

– 1 Thessalonians 5:13-14 NIV

 

Ultimately, we cannot camouflage the life we are living or the seeds we are planting.

Race Relations

What we perceive is not always what is. Messages in the form of pictures, words, sounds, and vibrations are targeted at us each day via people, television, radio, newspapers, and magazines. Some of the information is impressive enough to compel and evoke us to make assumptions, pass judgments, and draw conclusions. Other sensational messages even provoke weak and wicked souls to violence, racial division, and hatred.

The media coverage of news, world events, and issues does affect public and private opinions. As I reminisce about my study of “cameras in the courtrooms” as a journalism student years ago before TV cameras were allowed into hearings and trials, I can see now why I was suspect of it. Now there are channels dedicated covering trials. TV coverage of the O.J. Simpson murder trial was extreme to say the least. Hurting people in this real-life crisis were treated like actors in a continuous saga. Innocent or guilty, can defendants get a fair trial with so too media coverage?

Finally, the reading of the not guilty verdict caused all kinds of reactions. The media said a majority of Blacks were happy about the verdict, while a majority of Whites were unhappy. Well, what did they expect? America has a shameful history of legal slavery, Jim Crow laws, discrimination, and racism that has perpetuated ongoing divisions and distractions to deceive people from completing their higher missions.

The race of a person should not matter when it comes to justice or any other factor in life. In fact, race diversity is one of God’s gifts to humanity, offering variety and beauty. Each race has special gifts to help all humanity. We all should feel good about who we are and the race we were born into. However, if we listen to popular rhetoric, inferiority and superiority complexes will invade us.
To cleanse ourselves from deception on all levels, we must erase all of our perceptions and preconceived ideas, then prayerfully begin our ingestion of information (scriptures first) with a clear and open mind and a willing spirit.

Optical illusions look so real. Yet, when the viewing angle on an object is altered or the object is moved, a whole new picture is seen. But why didn’t we see it in the first place? Human beings will one day see the real picture of their lives, purposes, and destinies, asking this same baffling question – “why didn’t we see it in the first place? However, we have the power to refuse a destiny of regret.

To live life effectively and purposefully, fulfilling our higher mission — to glorify our Maker and return to Him — we must have a clean heart created and a right spirit renewed within us. This can only be done through our Creator with our cooperation.

“Judge not that ye be not judged.”- Matthew 7:1

Ella Coleman

 

The Work-Play Equilibrium

The balance of work and plaMP900078608y paves the road to quality living. The symmetry of these two are absolutely necessary.  All work and no play or all play and no work can be self-defeating. However, blending labor with fun and leisure is a target worth the aim and the shooting. And there’s no sweeter place than the bull’s-eye of a balanced life. Yet today, few people come close to the center.  Some work too much and have little or no fun while others become engrossed in entertainment, recreation and over indulgence.

Oh, go ahead and have fun, only don’t let fun have the best of you.  Some folks try so hard to enjoy themselves until they defeat the reason for it in the first place–to refresh, rest and replenish from work and routine.  Having fun with focus should be the goal. Vacations, family reunions, hiking, biking, and trips to amusement parks and beaches are fun activities but should be balanced with allotted times for quietness and stillness. So much is going on until it’s go, go, go.  The “merry-go-round” of life is exciting for a while but eventually all riders want to stop and get off. Twenty-four hours in circles is not going to get it when it comes to enjoying a fulfilling life.

To get a new lease on life for returning to work more rejuvenated than ever, be wise in how you have fun. If fun is finished with a hangover, tired baggy eyes, more stress or a feeling of guilt for some ungodly thing that was done, what’s the purpose? Well, there is no purpose in wasted time and energy, even in the name of fun.

On the other end of the spectrum, being a workaholic can be unhealthy as well.  Is it really worth it to work one’s life away and miss out on all other important aspects of living, like enjoying a mate, children, family, friends, church and community? Obsessed with the next task, a labor extremist can get so caught up in their work, career or ministry that it’s too late when they realize they are out of touch with their loved ones.  It’s a rude awakening to wake up one day and realize they don’t know their wife, husband, children, family or friends anymore.  So, all work and no
play or recess can be just as damaging as unbalanced fun.

Many people have been caught up in a loop between work and play only to find themselves burnt out, empty and unfulfilled. For instance, rest, exercise, and healthy eating and thinking contribute to one’s health and wellness. Without such basic discipline, eventually an individual will be too unhealthy to carry out his or her mission in life.

Understandably, preparation and process for a success requires sacrifice. Sometimes family members must give up some of their time with loved ones who are completing a degree or special training for a specific occupation, profession, or ministry. Yet, in all the prerequisites of achievement, one should strive for balance by scheduling in family and recreational activities. Although such priorities should be automatic or “a given” and seem elementary, they are the cause of many divorces and broken relationships.

So, when is work and play balanced and effective? When they both enhance one’s own life and the lives of others in some small or great way. Work and recreation should create a healthy equilibrium that enhance the quality of life. Remember, success without good relationships and work without play can leave one empty and unfulfilling. There is no need to live under par when balance and prosperity is available to us.

“There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.”    – Ecclesiastes 2:24 KJV

 

Pursuing and Discovering Purpose

CeCeWinans_May04    The treasures of purpose are found in the chest of originality. It is  the uniqueness in each of us that is most needed by others. Finding or creating a means through which that difference can be lovingly expressed is a critical pursuit. We should let no one or nothing deter us from the path to actualization.

Divinely structured within the core of each person is a unique composition. Biologically, this substance causes a distinction in every human fingerprint. Spiritually, it stamps a purpose in the heart of each individual to be discovered and lived. When purpose has not been realized, frustration, confusion and a host of other negatives harbor in the soul. As best-selling author Dr. Myles Munroe writes in his book, In Pursuit of Purpose, “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.” So, when we look around and see unhappiness and emptiness in talented and gifted people, it is because they do not know their purpose or they know it but are not living it. Usually adversities and circumstances are a set-up and a part of the process to purpose and meaning.  Recently I watched an interview of the 1984 Olympic ski champion and paraplegic Bonnie St. John on “Life Today” hosted by James and Betty Robison.  Interestingly, St. John, who had her leg amputated at age five, was born into a poor family, and sexually abused from age two to seven.  Even with all of that weighing against her, her mother lovingly insisted on excellence and no excuses. She went on to become a ski champion, a wonderful mother, author and motivational speaker. Bonnie shared her story to help others overcome insurmountable odds. She talked about how many times she fell and suffered trying to learn how to ski with one leg but noted the advantage she had over other skiers. Bonnie said she didn’t have to worry about her skis crossing because she only had one. Stories like this assure us that we can prevail and be triumphant even when we have a disadvantage. “A setback is just a setup for a comeback,” says award-winning motivational speaker and author Willie Jolley. So many times what is considered a severely negative situation is really an opportunity waiting to be acted upon. But the outcome depends greatly on attitude and the decision of refusing to be defeated.  If handled wisely, the problems we face provide the best clues to finding purpose and fulfillment. “May He [God] grant you according to your heart’s desire and fulfill all your purpose.” – Psalm 20:4

 

Cultivating Meaningful Relationships

coupleValuing Relationships

Life is based on relationships. Our main purpose for existing is to relate lovingly and uniquely to our Creator and to each other. And here is the greatest challenge and test — to love the Lord your God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength; and to love your neighbor as yourself. Anything of significant purpose that one does is linked to some kind of meaningful relationship. This is why our lives are so impacted by others, especially parents, family, teachers, friends and peers. The need to love and be loved is an innate longing within that produces many actions and reactions, positive and negative, towards self and others.

Learning the art of good relations can be a lifetime quest. It requires a willingness to give and to forgive continually, and this can cause many to lose heart and give up on people who do not have the wisdom or strength to reciprocate such love. This type of discouragement and disappointment causes divorces, family breakups, and terminated friendships. Yet, when we watch the effective workings of good relationships, love, respect and trust for oneself and others from each person comprises the premise on which they are built. Therefore, each one is responsible for doing his/her part.

In this life, one has to pay a great price for evading and abusing relationships for which he/she has been entrusted. Fathers and mothers cannot abandon or abuse children and escape the penalty of their unwise choices. Nor can a husband or wife mistreat his/her mate and leap into another marriage peacefully blessed without settling all unfinished business of the prior relationship. If he/she does not deal honestly with personal faults and character flaws, that baggage is carried into the next relationship and can evolve into a depleting, viscous cycle.

Unhealthy cycles can be broken through honesty, prayer, and a commitment to change personally, for we cannot change others. Self-improvement means relationship enhancement. Since we have attracted people who have many of our own traits or the opposite but “packaged” differently, it is smart to look at them less critically and more inquisitively. One valid question to ask is, “Why did I attract this person into my life?” The answers discovered can be amazing. So, let’s keep an open mind and a positive attitude for learning all we can.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NKJV

Ella Coleman